


with you

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: "I'm sorry," Seth murmurs after a pause."For what?" he asks now, confused."I don't know — I just — I feel like I let you down."





	with you

**Author's Note:**

> Set after [RAW 15/01/2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXRzfEYGcac), because BOY, do I have feelings about that Curb Stomp.

It's hard to get to sleep that night, which should be surprising given that he's just won a really big match in spectacular fashion. That should've made everything better. There was a time when a win, no matter how it happened, could fix everything else that was wrong. But this time — it just left a bad taste in his mouth. And the feeling that's been nagging at him for a while, although he's been trying hard to not acknowledge it, is stronger than ever now.

Eventually, he just sighs and rolls over onto his side and reaches for his phone, scrolling through his contacts, counting on the off-chance that he's awake too.

But there's only one crazy bastard he knows that would probably be up this late and thankfully it's just the crazy bastard he needs to talk to right now.

He picks up after a couple rings. "Hey? Seth?" he asks, voice unsure and a little bit hoarse, almost from disuse.

" _Dean_ ," he exhales. "Hey. _Shit_ , did I wake you —?"

"Nah, it's fine, man," Dean cuts in, like this is a totally casual occurrence. "My sleep pattern's all fucked-up anyway."

Seth laughs softly. It's funny, how just Dean's voice, just Dean sounding like _Dean_ , can make his entire body feel warm and at ease, all the tension seeping out of his muscles. "You doing okay, man?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just counting down the days till I can punch some assholes in the face again," he replies. "What about you? What happened with Balor?"

It sounds like an innocent question, but Seth knows what he really means. 

He lets out a breath. "I don't know," he says truthfully. "It just _happened_."

Dean's just really quiet on the other end. Unnervingly quiet.

"I'm sorry," Seth murmurs after a pause.

"For what?" he asks now, confused.

"I don't know — I just — I feel like I let you down."

It's hard to get the memory out of his mind right now, it's been coming back to him in flashes every time he closes his eyes since Finn's head hit the canvas: the sickening crack of Dean's skull under his boot, the choking smell of cinder dust, the shape of his crumpled, lifeless body in the wreckage —

"Jesus Christ, Seth," Dean says, sounding frustrated. "I'm not — You won the match. You did what you had to do. And nobody's a fucking saint, alright?"

"I know that," Seth says. "But it still felt… _wrong_ , somehow."

It hadn't, though. Not in the moment. In the moment, it had felt as right as anything had in a long time. And that scares him. That scares him more than anything. Even more than losing Dean, maybe.

Dean sighs. "Well, at least you know the difference. Everyone does bad things. It doesn't mean that's who you _are_."

"What if it _is_ , though?" Seth asks him, tentative. "What if that's what I am without —"

"What?"

"Without _you_."

"Seth…" Dean trails off, his voice strained and weary.

"I just — I feel like I'm trying _so hard_ to keep it together, but I just keep...messing everything up." He's been doing everything he can, to hide it, to pretend he's completely fine on his own, when he's slowly being torn to pieces on the inside.

"That's life, man," Dean tells him, regretfully. "It's never perfect, no matter how much you want it to be."

None of it has been, though. Not the last year and a half. Definitely not him and Dean. But for a while there, for just a brief moment in time, he thought maybe it _could_ be.

"I just...thought it would get easier." There's no forgetting, ever. Maybe that's the price he has to pay — just _living_ with it.

"It's not worth it if it's easy," Dean says, like he understands that better than anyone.

"It's easier when you're here," Seth admits, tone soft and vulnerable.

"Yeah, I know," Dean says, like he really means it. "Same here."

"I miss you," he breathes out, desperate and yearning, not bothering to disguise it.

"I'm always here, okay?" Dean promises. "Even when I'm not right there next to you — I'm still _with_ you. And I'm always rooting for you, man."

Seth almost wants to cry from it, from the sheer relief, from the sudden and overwhelming wave of emotions from tonight, from everything he feels for Dean that he can't begin to say.

"Thanks," he says eventually, voice trembling slightly. "I wouldn't be here without you. I'm not gonna fuck it up." _It's all for you_ , he doesn't add. Maybe he'll tell him someday. Maybe soon.

"I'll see you, okay?" Dean tells him gently.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you soon."


End file.
